The Autism Paradox

The other morning Avery required five Ace Bandages be wrapped around various extremities before getting on the bus for school. I wish this was out of the norm, but alas, my bulk-pack of Ace Bandages from Amazon would prove me wrong. Generally she keeps her wounds "under wraps" at nighttime- but a particular fall led her to believe she would be needed extra.... support that day.

As I followed Avery onto the bus, her bus driver immediately asked what had happened. After the morning I just had simply getting her into clothes and somewhat fed, the only answer that I had to her was.... "Autism happened." While I was explaining that she's totally fine and to please let her aide know, another kid chimed in from the back. Him and I know eachother well. A fellow kiddo with Autism, much higher functioning than our sweet Avery, he is usually the bus police. He fills me in on all of the annoyances Avery caused him each ride, which is fair.

"Uh... Autism is a disability, not a disease!"

I had JUST gotten done performing some front-line-triage-level bandage wrapping to get my kid out of the door. The LAST thing I needed now was to go into combat with THIS kid. He was right, about the Autism. But I certainly didn't have the patience to explain my dry humor to an eight year old kid at not even eight in the morning.

But here we are, on the bus nice and early, defending our phrasing to a child. I told the bus-Gestapo that he was correct, but that our morning was definitely a little bit harder today because of Autism. This one seemed to quiet him for all of about thirteen seconds.

As I turned to get off the bus, I looked back and could see ALL the wheels turning in bus-cop's brain. I obviously had to take two steps back juuuust in case he has something to say (50 bucks says he says something moderately amusing.) Then he says, "BUUUUT Avery's Autism might have made it to her brain. My mom says mine didn't make it to my brain, that's why I can read so well!" (Glad I stuck around, ill take my $50 now.)

Unpacking that statement required more from me than I was able to give, so I smiled and nodded, and got the heck out of there! A few short minutes later I was laughing to myself, but also doing some hard thinking about how I could have chosen different words while loading up on the bus. I could do SO MUCH better with how I talk about Avery's Autism, especially when she is within earshot. So probably verbally blaming our crap-show of a morning on Autism wasn't the best choice of words. But don't worry, our bus-friend let me know when Avery could not. One point bus tattle-tale, no point mom.

It frustrates me when the general public presumes ignorance from the kiddos with a diagnosis and then on the flip side, presumes intelligence from others. Same diagnosis, different assumptions. Whether or not a kiddo has "Savant-ism" can't be seen by simply looking at them, so who's to say where on the spectrum they fall?

I worry that deep down, I have a SLIVER of belief in the idea that because of her autism, Avery is.. burdened. That's a strong statement, I know. I mean, the more I think about it, the more I realize that i'm going off of how Autism affects us as a family unit- which really isn't fair. I am quick to assume that Avery's level of neurodivergence gives her a view of the world that is unobtainable to me. With that being said, can I assume that her point of view is constantly stressful, loud, bright, and overwhelming? Or do I consider it a blessing that she will probably never have to worry about "real life," or what's going on in the world? Both scenarios have the same diagnosis... see what Im getting at here?

Is autism contradicting? Can you be both developmentally delayed and also have an IQ of 250? Or a brilliant musician? Or are you doomed to a life of IEP meetings that only focus on the negative? Some people would say no, and that we need to pick a lane. But to them I would say, go find a friend with ASD, I think you'll be surprised. We like to believe that there's a sufficient amount of education out there about autism, but there will always be the ones that think of kids with autism as being the students that are kept in the SPED room all day, hidden away because they're "difficult."

On the outside, autism looks like my husband physically PEELING every limb of Avery's off of the outside of a tube-slide because she isn't ready to leave (amongst other things.) But it's also coming up with the coolest stories, or memorizing the entire dialogue of a Disney movie, or even having CRAZY attention to detail.

So yeah, autism contradicts itself in our household on a daily basis. If you're confused, just find yourself a bus-monitor kid who can fill you in on all the autism-related details. But you can't have ours, go find your own.