Straws and a Bumble Bee Backpack- Our Family Staples.

At about five months pregnant, I began to wonder what Oliver would think of his little sister as they grow up hopefully tolerating each other. Some day it will click in little Ollie's head that Avery is adopted, and that she is "special," but those conversations are a LONG way out.. (Thank goodness!) I only wonder all of this because Avery spends a lot of her time at the park- specifically in the swing, sideways, swinging side-to-side instead of front-to-back, with a HUGE smile on her face. But when she is not swinging, she's probably eating the bark chips or spinning on the basketball court. Wherever she is, inevitably there will be at least one very eager little girl who just wants to be Avery's best friend.

Avery is getting to the age now where people ask her name, or age, or in the case at the park, "wanna play?" Now i'm faced with quite the dilemma. Here I am with my gazillion dollar degree in psychology, and I can't even figure out how to navigate a conversation between a two year old and my "special" kid? Fortunately for now, I can still get away with saying, "she doesn't know how to talk quite yet," or "she's still learning how to play." But how much longer can I get away with that?

This all brings me back to my village. Thank goodness for the people in my inner circle. In particular, a special set of twins only a few years older than Avery who we happen to spend A LOT of time with, and they are starting to understand Avery, I mean really understand. If she does not engage, she simply doesn't want to play, and thats okay! There is no running to their mom saying, "Mom! That little girl wont play with me," or "Why is she ignoring me?" I have seen my little girl actually PLAY with only three people in her life. Those twins, and my little brother, and for those friendships I am SO thankful.

If you ever get the pleasure of seeing Avery, she will undoubtedly have one straw in each hand. I cannot even remember when straw-magedon began in our household, but the amount of straws that I have found stashed in every crevice of my house in embarrassing. Now I am very aware that straws are a touchy subject in our country these days, what with them being not so great for the environment and all. BUT, I am going to have one VERY dysfunctional toddler when they finally get outlawed. Am I aloud to keep a super secret stash? I mean its only fair, its for the protection of our family.... do NOT get in the way of Avery and her straws! The girl sleeps, eats, and bathes (at least I know they are clean.. somewhat..) with straws. You know you have good friends when they pick up an extra straw when they are fun colors while out and about for your autistic kid.

Yes, I put my kid on a backpack leash. Yikes, did I offend you? Inevitably that upsets at least some people. BUT, can you try on my shoes for just a minute? Here you are at the zoo, with your family and everyone and their mother from the Portland area. You turn around for one second and all of a sudden your sweet little girl has disappeared! Now by this point Im sure you have practiced names and "I can't find my mom" speeches with your little one. However, now you're faced with a huge issue. Avery, (you're in my shoes, remember?) is non-verbal. When she gets lost, there is no, "I can't find my mom," "I need help," or "Im lost." She will run towards the most interesting things she sees and not come back, with NO hesitation. Cue the backpack leash. This is not some torture device where she is pulled across the zoo.. in fact, the kid drags us all over the place with it!

I guess all of that is just to say... next time you see a kid on a leash in a busy place, or throwing a fit in line at the grocery store, have a little grace. Most of the time moms of special needs kids have to pep talk themselves into going grocery shopping for days before the actual event. Backpack is packed for maximum success, iPad is fully charged for when things go really bad, and patience caps are on. However, maybe its too loud, or the lights are too bright, or their shoes are too tight, whatever it is, we need GRACE. You don't know the anxiety that comes with even just leaving the house to go to the park. So please don't give us those looks, we know you don't approve of our children screaming, biting, kicking, and pulling hair. Neither do we, but its our reality, we just make the best of it. Avery has only been in our home for a little over a year, we have a long road ahead of us. Some mothers have been at it for decades, and I applaud all of those mommies out there who adjust daily to the weird quirks thrown their way.