Selective Autsim. It's a Thing.

Most of us are well versed in the art of "sibling rivalry." And if you are an only child, i'm sure you understand the idea of the overly dramatized Hollywood version on your favorite childhood shows and movies. Turns out Hollywood didn't over dramatize this one. I know, right? I was just as surprised.

By now if you're reading this, then you probably know all about the family dynamic that we have going on in the Knoble household. You may not understand it, but neither do we. Oliver and Avery have a strange bond. I would love to call it "special," but its' only special like, 20% of the time. The other 80% I would classify it more as... the greatest power struggle of all time.

Oliver often experiences three different family standings. He switches between little brother, big brother, and only child. The Dissociative Identity Disorder of brotherhood, if you will. He is sometimes just the sweetest big brother to Avery. These are the times when he is aware, at even two years old, that Avery is unable to do things or is having a hard day, so he steps in the help her along the way. There are other times when Avery does not want anything to do with anyone whatsoever and then all of a sudden Oliver gets ALL of the attention, and lives his very best only child life for a little. Then there is the last identity, these days it's more of the "host" of the three. Side-note, I am tapping into my brilliant psychology mind for this one, my parent should be proud. Four years of college and sixteen million dollars later, here I am, sitting on my couch, listening to Blippi sing about excavators (I don't want to talk about it), finally utilizing a slice of my genius mind.

Anyways, the host. Oliver does a great job at being a little brother, I mean he NAILS it. He does all of the "little brother" things, one of the biggest ones being, learning from his older sibling. Some of you might not be making the connection on what the issue is here. HOWEVER, if you forgot, Avery is 100% Avery, 100% of the time. And we love that, most of the time. This is where selective Autism comes in.

Oliver watches Avery like a hawk all day. And he is picking up on the evilest of things, which doesn't surprise me. You know how whoever has the Genie's lamp also controls everything the Genie does? Yes, well, in our household if you have the straws, you control the Avery. And Oliver is SUPER aware of that. Im not just talking stealing a toy from your neuro-typical big sister just to make her mad. We are talking some FBI worthy stalking of his sister, waiting, watching, planning the timing JUSSSST right to swoop in and take the straws the SECOND they hit the ground. What ensues is a monumental meltdown from a seething Avery, and evil little footsteps running away with an evil little smile. Straws are like gold in this household, and Oliver wants to be the wealthiest of them all!

And do you want to know what this terrorist does with the straws? He goes into temporary Autistic Ollie mode. He goes around flapping those straws as hard as he can, because that's what Avery does, so why the hack not?

Selective Autism may offend some people reading this. But in my defense, our case gives us some leeway. You try being the parent who has to decide whether or not Avery gets away with letting out a frustrating scream when her sock falls off, but if Oliver tried that he would get a mom glare that ensures it would never happen again! So, what flies and what doesn't? Let me give you another example. Avery drops to the ground on occasion. It can really be anything, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe she's doing it to just be a turd? Other fair reasons in her mind are just being tired, hungry, feeling silly, the list goes on.

Yesterday in Walmart, Oliver ran into a stranger and instead of going pale and running straight to mom like a normal toddler, he drops. Like I've seen a million times with his sister, as has he. Im mortified instantly, obviously, because when I try the "bye!" tactic, he just looks me in the eye and stays, on the floor, in Walmart, in the middle of the path. Selective Autism. Avery does it, why can't I? That lesson makes me want to vomit. I am twenty-six years old with an Autistic four year old daughter and a semi-evil two year old son who might be an emotional terrorist... Im super not cut out for that lesson yet. that's like, level six hundred parenting. Im on level four.

I could list the top ten daily examples of Oliver's acts of Autism that he has picked up on, you'd probably laugh at my life, which is fine, it is hysterical on a daily basis. But ill leave you with one parting up-side that we experienced last night. It was kind of a win-lose situation.

Shortly after Avery's bath last night, she ran into the Harry Potter Closet to hang out until bed. After checking on her two or three times, it started to smell like poop, and I was excited! She hadn't pooped in a few days and was so sad and grumpy from her tummy hurting. Upon the next check in, Avery was caked, yet again, in her poop. It's a tale as old as time by now. All I had to do was look at Jason and he knew. So, an hour later, after a second bath for Avery, a pair of jammies in the trash, and the worlds cleanest Harry Potter Closet, Avery was finally asleep in bed and all we had left for the night was to deal with Oliver, who was NOT ready to go to bed.

At this point in Oliver's life, Jason and I have trained him to laugh and say "Ewwww *insert name of guilty party*" whenever he hears... flatulence. Judge away, I think it's funny, because again, im still at a level four parenting style.

So naturally when our whole house is being aired out from the death-smell coming out of the play closet, Oliver catches a whiff and immediately says, "EWWWW Avery!" and plugs his nose. Jason and I are laughing because what the heck else are we supposed to do after the night we have had?

It is in this moment that I see that though Oliver often uses Selective Autism to his advantage (I mean, who wouldn't?) He also knows how to determine the good from the bad in the ASD world, so we will be okay. And he will make a good big-little brother to his sister.