How Hardcore is Autism in your Household?

Generally Autism is gifted to ones family on a silver platter accompanied with some weird quirks and sprinkled with some sensory issues. How thoughtful, right?

Well it really doesn't matter who you were as a family unit before Autism knocked on your door- you're hardcore now. You might not know it, but the amount of things that you do just to make your day even minimally successful is crazy-town. I know this because the level of anxiety that you get when you realize you are running low on milk and a trip to the store is imminent? Yeah, I feel that too, we all do.

Wanna know who else is hardcore? Your kid. Take my sweet angel for example- she's a literal time-bomb. When is Avery gunna explode? Will it be in the discrete safety of our home? Church? School where I will hear about it later? The parking lot?

And what will it look like? Just a simple drop to the ground? Or is she going out guns a blazing with kicks and hits and head bangs? Is she going to harm any kids or adults around her? Is her scream going to echo through the entire mall and sound like I'm murdering her?

And how do we get out of it now that the explosion is imminent? Where is the nearest exit? How far is the car from there? Are there six thousand stairs she's going to make me carry her up? (Probably) Is it a hunker down and wait it out situation so we can move on with our day? Or do we cut our losses and do the old fashioned grab and run?... mom and dad do the grabbing of the child, and we also do the running. Most of the time that's the one- what a glorious 48-pound-still-being-carried-miles-by-her-parents life Avery is living.

There was this one time last week when I thought maybe Avery had gone soft. I took her and her brother to an indoor play place and she brought only her finest eleven straws to flap around. Generally other kids her age leave her straws alone, they don't have too much of a "cool factor" for me to worry about anyone snatching em off her. HOWEVER- for the first time in a long while, another kid thought he was hardcore-"er" than Avery I guess, because he gave it a try- FULL SEND style.

Sadly I missed the actual crime of what I assumed was a strong armed robbery committed by a little boy in a yellow shirt. But I soon recognized that there was no malice aforethought. In fact, the kid didn't think at all, I'm sure of it. Because what I did manage to see was simply a little yellow blur run by with one-eleventh of what was clearly Avery's straws (I didn't see any other straw flappers in there that day.) Then not two seconds later, a VERY angry Avery running quickly behind, doing this scary predator-style growl, with one arm cocked up by her ear with a tightly scrunched fist at the end. (We are working on it, okay?) Never has she ever actually followed through with the punch windup, but I definitely thought if it was ever going to happen, now would probably be the time. I also somehow had like, an entire apology speech filed away in my brain already that I was preparing to bust out for whoever yellow shirt belonged to. I really don't remember putting that speech together- but I always have been a well-prepared person, so it doesn't really surprise me.

Anyways, I can't quite explain the state I was in during what was one of Avery's most traumatic moments. Its like I was watching it from the seat of an unrelated parent, or on a reality show, fully invested, waiting to see how it played out. I let that happen for probably far too long before returning from my absent state and noticing another mom running for the interception. Phew. Thank goodness. Because honestly put yourself in my shoes- I am not yellow shirt's boss, you know? I would feel weird running up to some kid, looking him in the eyes, and snatching a straw right out of his sticky little fingers- knowing that his mom was probably watching. ON THE OTHER HAND.. what if yellow shirt's owner doesn't interfere? Then he's got Avery to deal with. And she WILL catch up, he's holding one of the most valuable things on this earth.

By the time yellow shirt's mom caught up they were only a few feet from me. Where I had finally stood up, swiftly moved to Avery's side, and gently glided her armed weapon back to her side- you're welcome, kid. Of course the other mom was embarrassed. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put together that the kid who is willing to throw down for a straw is probably not the most.... typical kid in the room. Now Avery, she holds a grudge. I haven't decided for how long, but definitely long enough for yellow shirt to watch his six for the duration of his play- that's for sure.

I kept an eye on yellow shirt's proximity to Avery (for his safety) until him and his mom packed up to leave. This is where I thought we were good to go, crisis averted, and we could play another hour or so and then head home.

Nope.

Unbeknownst to me, Avery had upped the ante on her grudge holding. How did I figure it out? Another yellow shirt comes strolling in. Same hair color, same shade of yellow shirt, and apparently, same wrap sheet. How many kids in the state of Washington are wearing yellow shirts today? Did I need to protect them all?

Avery immediately hones in on him, probably smells all of his weaknesses, and puts together a plan to exploit them. Poor kid never stood a chance. For the remainder of our time at the play place I saw a 007 version of Avery that I had never seen before, she knew where yellow shirt 2.0 was at all times. Unfortunately that meant that I couldn't even use the restroom without fearing for the poor kid's life so I had to deploy myself to the field. I SUFFERED an hour of crawling around in an oversized hamster tube-city for yellow shirt 2.0. And he will never even know. He was an innocent, how could I not?

Avery stepped up her level of hardcore-ness that day, and I know some of you reading this can probably think of a time that you're kid did the same. Sadly I don't think there's any kind of regression when it comes to Autism being hardcore, you just adjust. What does that look like for those unavoidable explosions? I couldn't tell ya. Hopefully you have the world's best spouse, who is willing to stand around your "starfished" kid in the middle of the frozen isle in Walmart. Just staring down at what's unraveling, and then at you, where you let out a little laugh because what even is going on? Four years ago you took in this cute little kid with massive cheeks and a tooth gap, to keep her safe until her mom was well enough to take her back. Just weeks before then you were across the country, on a willy nilly vacation with no worries.

Today as Avery sits on the couch in her Catboy costume, mask included, eating her ninth dino nugget- it was worth it. Ask me again tomorrow. After all, Autism is ever evolving.