Autistic and Ambitious

Avery is ambitious. Im not talking waking up every morning with daily affirmations about being the CEO of her own company someday.... (but hey, I'm not here to limit her, am I right?) Let's just say, one of MY daily ambitions is to walk into her room in the morning and not be immediately greeted by a growl.

The types of ambitions that I'm talking about in regards to Avery are DEEP rooted in that little brain of hers... Let me explain.

From the moment Avery wakes up, she peeps her head out from under the blanket and WITHOUT FAIL, tests me on whether or not she has school that day. She hits me with a, "Uhm.. mom? No school today..." Notice there's no question mark at the end of her sentance. She still hasn't decided if it's best to approach her inquiry in the form of a question or a remark, obviously trying to feel out how much power she has in the situation. Unfortunately she has chosen her opponent poorly this morning, because I am like the Jedi Master of her little determined brain at this point in her life. My weapon of choice? Avoidance.

Is that mean? Yeah... I mean, I definitely don't always feel great about doing it, so there must be some guilt there. But also, should I feel bad about engaging my only defense mechanism against the one human in the world that can turn my day into a dumpster fire with one look?

This is one of those scenarios where autism works to my advantage. In Avery's case, when she asks a question that I KNOW for a FACT she will NOT like the answer to, I simply, for lack of better term, ignore her. In doing so, that little brain of hers just cannot choose a reaction. Now again, me being Avery's Obi-Wan Kenobi (and also by trial and error,) I can visualize how the scenario will end when and if I choose to give her a reply.

Let's circle back to her testing the waters EVERY MORNING on whether or not she has to endure her greatest nightmare: school. In her school's defense, it's actually the bus that is her demise, but bus and school go hand in hand, so a loss for the bus is a loss for school. Hey, I don't make the rules.

So, I walk into Avery's room. It's seven-ish in the morning, and I'm greeted with the usual, "Uhm.... mom? No school today....". How am I going to play it? I go with the, "Nope! No school today!" and she will be happy for about ten minutes, just enough time for her to get downstairs successfully and realize that she now has a WHOLE entire day to do whatever she wants. Once that thought clicks, her little brain moves on to the only thing she wants to do for the rest of her life. "GO TO GRAMMYS HOUSE!" Which obviously just puts me back at square one- because we ALL know she will hate when I say no.

OR I can mention that yes we have school, and that we have to go downstairs to get ready for the bus to come. The DRAMA that unfolds at that reply.... She WILL make every minute between waking up and gettin on the bus a living you-know-what, and she won't even feel bad about it.

A few of her favorite show stoppers:

-Laying at the top of the stairs until I have no choice but to carry her down. (She's like, not a tiny weightless person anymore, by the way.)

-Crying

-Kicking

-Going destruct-o on her entire room

-Reciting her greatest regrets in life

-Going through the 5 stages of grief in like, three minutes.

-Threatening to sue.... kidding, but that would be funny..

This is all just to get her DOWN THE STAIRS in the morning. Im going to go ahead and let you use your own imagination to visualize what getting her on the actual bus looks like. Ive never been reported for child abuse.. but Avery puts on a pretty good show every morning around 7:50 in our front yard. If you ever want to feel better about your parenting.

In all seriousness, it's super important to me to put Avery through the least amount of emotional terrorism as possible (despite her delivering it to me on a silver platter on a daily basis.) That is why my preferred plan of action is to ignore her inquiries that I KNOW she will not want to know the answer to. It sounds soooo mean, but if I don't give her brain a chance to choose violence then our days go MUCH smoother.

This doesn't mean I ignore every single question that she hurls my way. There are some things that make that little girl SO happy, that I look forward to giving her a reply! For example, if she gets to see Owen, her favorite uncle. Not only do I use it as leverage to get her to move through her routine smoothly... I also make sure... that she knows it was moms decision, and therefore puts me higher than dad in the Avery hierarchy of favorite people.

Kidding!... Somewhat.

So, with the definition of ambition being, "The earnest desire for some type of achievement," Autism has a way of making some pretty ambitious people. That very linear way of thinking has produced some of the most amazing minds in history! Avery's ambitions vary between amazing and having the potential of being the death of me. But at the end of the day, ambition shows self awareness and for that we are incredibly grateful.

On the flip side, Avery's self-awareness right now is telling her that she MUST take a bath because she, and I quote, in real time, "Haves too many germs! Mom! TOO DIRTY! Give Avery her bath back!" Resulting in her laying at the bottom of the stairs like a starfish, doing the same "dying act" on a loop until I give her some kind of reinforcement. So I guess you win some, you lose some. And now (for only like the second time today,) ... I WILL WIN!