A Formal Complaint to Autism

Today was A DAY. You know how those go. Except for on a scale of one to the Tasmanian Devil, Avery was like.... that always mad guy from Inside Out. You know, the one with the fire that comes out of his head?

It all started literally from the moment she opened her eyes this morning. She cried about 75% of the day, and when she wasn't crying, she was making the Chewbacca noise. You know how there's that one noise that your kid makes that you can't stand, but it doesn't bother anyone else but you? Thats the one for me, the good ole Chewbacca call, and boy does she nail it.

Oliver loves Avery, I mean LOVES her. You're heart might be melting, however the problem is that Avery does NOT want Oliver within a solid 4-6 foot radius of her. Many of you have seen what happens when Avery gets frustrated, but i'll paint the picture for you anyway.

Avery has some self-harming behaviors. She has had them since she was placed in our home at 16 months old. Overtime it has evolved from full on head-banging on the nearest hard surface to biting her hand. (Which is totally the better of the two evils, but still heartbreaking.) So, anytime Oliver gets close, Chewbacca comes out and she immediately starts to bite on the part of her hand between her thumb and pointer finger. By the end of some of our "hard days" her hand will be red and puffy and often times bleeding.

Starting her morning off on a bad note meant that all day I needed to keep Oliver away, for his and her safety, and try to guess her needs all day.

This brings me to the one outing we tried to have today. A simple run to Costco, pretty routine in our family. However from the moment we pulled out of the driveway Avery started crying hysterically. She does this thing where she cries so hard that she makes herself sick, and unfortunately that's where we were headed. With the Costco trip being unavoidable, we hoped that getting her out of the car would help. NOPE. Avery wailed through the whole store.

At this point Jason and I are both on edge. Her cup is full, her diaper is empty, her favorite show is playing on the iPad, she's far from Oliver, and she's refusing snacks. So what next? No fever, no bleeding, no redness anywhere. Thats pretty much where the search ends, there isn't much else to do but let her cry.

My last resort was to let her walk and hope that she didn't drop to the ground the second I set her down. Low and behold the tears immediately stopped and it was like sunshine and rainbows all of a sudden. WHAT?

Were her legs asleep? Did she just need to stretch her legs? Was the cart too cold? Too loud? Too bumpy? I'll never know, and THAT is my first of many complaints to Autism.

Autism sucks, on most days.

At the same time, Autism is what makes Avery love so deeply and laugh so freely. However, it's also what makes her irrational, and often times terrified of the unknown.

No child with Autism is the same, and Avery wouldn't be the same without it, who knows if she would have been placed into our care without it?

Autism makes me laugh, and cry, and become irrational, and over-protective, and excited for what's to come.

At least it keeps me on my toes!